Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Recap of Day One of the Republican National Convention

Recap of last night's Republican National Convention:

6:30 pm Laura Bush reads from a prompter. Talks about all the great things her husband has done.

I can't stop thinking about her ex boyfriend that she ran over with her car after he dumped her for a prettier girl in her high school. I mean, that's a coincidence, right? I mean, he had just dumped her. For one of her friends. Two weeks later she rams into his car and kills him?

Okay, I'll give you that it may have been an accident but if you see a photo of the intersection, it's a wide open field: you can see for miles in every direction, so how could she not see him?

Anyway, I see that plastic face of her's and imagine all that she's had to put up with and wonder where her soul is at. Then I think of that vehicular homicide and figure her fate was sealed then.

She's wrapping up. Will she say "God bless this country"? Wait for it, wait for it... yup, there it is. "God bless you all. God bless the United States."

6:45 George Bush reads his speech from a prompter via satellite from the White House.

Propaganda, lies. God, he can't even give a speech. He's reading it!

When I look at him, all I can see is that footage of him sitting in an Elementary School and doing nothing when he is informed that a plane has crashed into the World Trade Center. And saying, "Good job, Brownie!"

George is still reading. Wait, what's that...behind the curtain. No, don't look behind the curtain? What? It's Dick Cheney!?

Shots of convention goers - terribly, terribly misguided people.

George Bush endorses McCain. It's no secret, these men don't get along. In fact, McCain wasn't excited to get the Bush stamp of approval considering the president's popularity polls are currently somewhere in the toilet.

Shots of Cindy McCain. Wow, she's had some good face work! Kudos. Or is that just a lot of make up?

7:00 PM Tribute to Ronald Reagan. They show a video clip reel of Ronald Reagan produced by Leni Reifenstahl...um, er I mean the Republican party.

This is just another ra-ra, we love the party video.

Important part to note: They refer to Reagan was a "maverick"...which you know, tied into McCain.

7:14 PM Fred Thompson speaks. Since he is also an actor, he does not READ his speech from the prompter.

He speaks highly of Sarah Palin and criticizes the liberals and the media for picking on her. These people seem perfectly happy to elect to office a completely unqualified candidate. I guess they watch Battlestar Galactica where every single government official is killed right down to the Secretary of Education who is then elected president. Republicans: This is a tv show. And I knew Mary McDonnell, and sir, Sarah Palin is no Mary McDonnell!

Thompson talks about our wonderful troops, which I find odd since it is they who have so clearly no regard for them, tossing them over there tour after tour after tour like they are disposable tissues. Then, the conditions in the VA hospitals are just astoundingly bad when they return. I could go on. These people don't care, it's just propaganda.

Thompson gives McCain's bio, of course emphasizing his prison sentence during the Vietnam War. Graphically.

He is still talking about Vietnam.

I'm wondering how much more of this I can watch before I am physical ill. Heck, I made it through George and Laura Bush and the Reagan tribute, I can hold out. Funny that Thompson is still talking about "torture".

Bored by the propaganda, I start drafting an open letter to TMZ and The National Enquirer that goes something like, "Dear Sirs, Considering all the Hollywood celebrities are behaving these days, might I suggest sending a team of your best reporters to the RNC? There would be so much to uncover and the ratings would be fantastic for your papers and web sites. It's easy pickings finding someone with a prostitute, drugs, a same sex bathroom tryst or drunk driving. I mean, it's a jack pot! Sincerely, JD"

The crowd is now chanting USA USA USA. My stomach doesn't feel so good.

Thompson endorces Palin as probably the only candidate ever that has been able to "dress a moose (for you city folks like me, that means cut up once you've shot it). You gotta be reaching when you pull this outta your hat.

Thompson says they care about the unborn babies and the newborns. Which I assume means if they're straight.

Country First is plastered everywhere. What does that mean? I don't get it. Do they mean our citizens in New Orleans during Katrina? Our service people who have been killed? The people that lost their houses? Um...do they mean how they borrowed from my and your social securities payments to bail out the mortgage banks?

7: 39 PM Okay, so next up is Joe Lieberman who is a former Democrat. Let's see if he reads from the prompter. Nope. Not so bad.

First thing, mentions Gustav then our "larger American family". Which means you if you're not gay or black or Muslim or Mexican.

"We reach out to help each other". Unless you're gay and you want to visit your partner in the hospital, or you're a single mother that needs insurance for her children but can't afford it, or a dark skinned person who has just been arrested and flown to Guantanamo Bay without a writ of habeas corpus, or a Mexican immigrant trying to get into this country to make a better life for his family.

Lieberman: "Country matters more than party".

Once again, see above. By "country", I guess they mean white and Christian.

More USA USA chanting.

Lieberman's whole role here is to try to present partisanship. Oh, and here it comes. This is kinda funny considering McCain strongly considered switching to the Democratic party some years back when he was warring with Bush.

Lieberman just called 9/11 a natural disaster. Ooops.

Lieberman just referred to himself as a Democrat, although I think he's an Independent.

He tells us not to listen to advertisements because "God only made one John McCain". Holy toledo. Really?

Did he just compare McCain to Clinton? Wow, mentioning God and Clinton within ten minutes - they are really trying to associate McCain aren't they?

Uh-oh. Now onto Sarah Palin. "She's a reformer. She's taken on the special interests and crossed party lines to get things done." Unless you're gay, want an abortion, or want to preserve the environment. Have you read the quote yet by her where she states that she thinks the whole global warming thing is not real? Yup.

They keep mentioning the American people. Does that mean me since I'm gay?

More shots of the audience. Terribly misguided people.

There's a huge American flag waving on the big screen monitor behind him as he says, "Because of John McCain, thousands of troops are coming home!". Is that true?!

Oh wait, does he mean this:

Oh, now he's speaking "directly to my fellow Democrats". Does that mean me, because I'm gay? There's so much hate directed at my kind, it's hard to tell if they ever think we're part of the system. "This is not an ordinary election and John McCain is no ordinary candidate." Oh god. "You can always count on him to be straight with you." Um, in the last week I've seen video to the contrary. I mean, y'all know how much he's flip flopped right? I don't need to go into that, do I?

I could vomit. "Vote for the person, not for the party you belong to." Um, Supreme Court justice appointees much?

I'm getting that feeling in my stomach again. It's like when you feel that you got food poisoning.

Joe Lieberman ran as the VP candidate with Al Gore in 2000 making him the first Jewish candidate. He is an Orthodox Jew. He tried to run for president in 2004, but didn't get out of the gate. He got out of serving in Vietnam with an educational deferment. He is a friend of the gays as he voted "no" on a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage, and has championed same-sex employee benefits. He did, however vote for an amendment introduced by Jesse Helms which would prohibit federal funding from schools that teach or promote homosexuality as a positive lifestyle.

Meanwhile, outside the convention, police gassed protestors.

Meanwhile, outside the convention, police gassed protestors. No kidding. Here's what went on outside when the above was going on inside.

I'm surprised they didn't arrest them last week. In a sweep prior to the RNC, local police arrested all people they thought would violently protest. Nice, huh?

The local paper in Minn/St Paul reported:
Ramsey County authorities conducted raids across Minneapolis and St. Paul Friday and Saturday as a pre-emptive strike against disruptive protests of the Republican National Convention. Five people were arrested and more than 100 were handcuffed, questioned and released by scores of deputies and police officers, according to police and elected officials familiar with the raids.

The woman in the photo above? She's a member of the National Lawyer's Guild who was trying to protect the people inside the house the police tried to raid. So they handcuffed her!

In America, people.

But once again, as the folks said tonight, COUNTRY FIRST.

Tune in tomorrow when the moose killer speaks.
Tune in prior to the convention for the back story. SmokingCocktail style.

'til then, May GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

1 comment:

chris said...

AHhh JD,

We can always count on you for great commentary.

I think I was a little rougher on Palin than you were. The Republicans keep saying she's "fresh and new." I likened her to a tampon. Once you get the wrapper off she's very white and full of fluff and about to get bloody.

You do have to hand it to the RNC for finally starting a war on obesity. They got half the country to throw up last night.